Weddings are often some of the most memorable moments for everyone’s life. Different cultures and
societies have their own customs and traditions during the wedding ceremony.
Although the Chinese
have already adopted the western wedding style for so many years, we still preserve and do the old traditional way as well.
The following are the stages of the complete ceremony:
Traditionally, the wedding was always arranged by the parents. Therefore,
there are a lot of ceremonies and customs that need to go through. Even without pre-arranged marriages nowadays, we still
follow some of them.
Before Wedding
Blessing from the Parents of the Bride-to-be
Once the couple confirmed
to get married, groom-to-be would go to ask for the blessing from her parents. The main difference of the Chinese wedding
is the groom needs to take the major responsibility of all the expenses.
After the reveal of the
marriage, some parents of the bride-to-be will ask for a certain amount of money. It really depends on how much the parents
want and how much the groom-to-be can afford. It ranges from a few thousand dollars to over $20,000.
To
the parents, this ritual symbolizes how important their daughter is. Of course, some just want to have the money.
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Pick the Best Time for Everything
Chinese
always believe in the fortune tellers which represent the gods that they believe in. So, the first thing for them to do is
to pick the best date and hour for the following rituals:
- Wedding Date
- Day for the groom-to-be taking gifts over to her parents
- Hour for the bride-to-be to
have her hair combed
- Hour for the bride to step out of her parents’ house
The best date and time will be different for different couples due to their date and time of birth.
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Bringing Gifts to Her Parents
After that, the couple-to-be will
work together for the wedding. About a month before the wedding, the groom-to-be must bring the gifts to her parents including
the following:
- Amount of money promised
- 2 Big Coconuts
- 2 Live Chickens (A male and a female)
- Some jewelery
Some
brides have older siblings whom still haven’t married yet. The groom-to-be must give him/her/them red pocket money for
each. Otherwise, the bride-to-be’s sibling(s) would have bad luck. Some very traditional families would not even allow
the older, single sibling(s) to see the younger ones stepping out of the house on the date of marriage. Some would hang a
pair of pants on top of the door frame and let the new couple to walk under.
Also, during those
several months before the wedding, the couple would go to take their wedding pictures at the studio. Unlike in the western
society, the groom-to-be is allowed to look at the bride-to-be in her wedding dress. Most of the time, the bride will have
several wedding dress is on the wedding day.
The couples are not allowed to see each other the
day before the wedding. Plus, they will be very busy at preparing the rest of the stuffs for the wedding date, especially
the bride-to-be.
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Hair-Combing Ceremony
This ceremony takes place the night before
the wedding. Before that, the bride-to-be must take a shower or bath with a certain kind of leaves. Then, she must put on
a brand new red/pink sleeping gown.
When the best hour comes (which was picked by the fortune
teller before), she needs to sit down facing the open area with 2 Chinese red candles burning in front of her.
A woman that the bride-to-be invited would help the bride to comb her hair. When the bride-to-be decided to invite
this lady, there are several rules that must be followed:
1) She is not the bride’s mother
2) She is still married
3) She has her own children and at least one of them is married.
And
this lady would prepare the Chinese stuffed rice balls as dessert called “Tong Yuen” meaning “Togetherness”.
While the hair is being combed, the woman would say the following:
- First comb, combing till
the end
- Second comb, may you both getting old together and happily
- Third
comb, may your children having their own children for generations
After the completion of
the ceremony, the hair-combing lady will clip a couple leaves which were the same for the bath before on the bride’s
hair which they must stay on for the rest of the night. And the bride-to-be will go ahead to finish her dessert. It must be
finished. Otherwise, there will be bad luck to the couple.
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The Wedding Day
Funny Games and Tests before the Couples Can See Each Other
On the wedding day, everything
starts super early and everybody is going to be very busy.
The following table will show you the
busy schedule of both sides of the bride and groom that they do all these things at the same time at separate places.
Bride | Groom
|
1) Make up and hair styling | 1) All best men arrive at the house of the groom’s parents
and decorate the car to pick up the bride. |
2) Put on traditional Chinese wedding gown |
|
3) All best ladies prepare and decorate
the house of the bride’s parents for the groom to come |
|
Best ladies would use a very long, big and thick ribbon
with a big ribbon flower to divide the area where the groom and the best men cannot come across until they give and do something
according to the requests from the best ladies.
Before the groom can step into the house, he needs
to pay a red pocket money. The best men and best ladies always love to bargain with each other. Of course, the best ladies
want to get more while the men want to pay less. Actually, both sides know ahead of time how much they are going to give and
get. So, whatever happens in between before and after is just the way to create the exciting atmosphere.
After the groom and the best men stepped into the house, they will expect the unexpected to come. There are games
which are totally different from the western world. It can be anything coming out of anybody’s mind. The best ladies
always think of some funny games to test the groom if he really loves the bride.
In my sister’s
wedding, they made my brother-in-law to eat dessert and drink milk which is 2 of the stuffs that he hates. One of my friends’
wedding, the best ladies made the groom to hold the Chinese brush with his mouth and holding him upside down to write a big
Chinese word “love” on a piece of board. Ladies, if you are very creative, you can definitely show off your talent
here.
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Traditional Rituals after the Couple Sees Each Other
After completing
all the tasks and the best ladies are satisfied, the groom will be allowed to step into the room and bring out the bride.
Sometimes, the mother will bring the bride out of her room.
Then, the couple must kneel down and
give out tea to her family, starting from her grandparents, parent and older siblings. Some will give out tea to her younger
sibling(s). But the couples and the younger sibling(s) must stand up to give and receive at this situation.
When this ceremony is taking place, there is a woman standing next to the couple holding a big tray of tea, she will
receive all the red pocket money from everyone who drinks the tea from the couple. Traditionally, she is the woman that introduced
the couples’ families to each other and gets this marriage arranged.
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Bride Leaves Her Parent’s House for Her In-Laws’
After
that, the bride and groom are heading to the groom’s house. Before stepping out, there must be one person to hold a
red umbrella for the bride and another one will throw rice towards the umbrella while the bride is walking underneath it.
When the couple arrive at the groom’s house, they will ask a little boy about 5 or younger to jump on their
bed (if they are going to live with the groom’s parents). This symbolizes to wish the couple to have their children,
especially having boys as soon as possible.
Then, they will kneel down to give tea to everybody,
just the same when they were in the bride’s parent’s house.
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Vows Exchanged
After that, they are heading to the registration
office or church to exchange vows, just like in the western world. The bride will throw her bouquet of flowers and see which
best lady caught it. After these ceremonies, they would head to the restaurant for the reception.
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The Reception
The meal is usually served around 9pm. Most of the
time, guests can start going in about 4 or 5 pm where they can play “majong” (a Chinese game with 4 players at
the same time).
Before the dinner starts, the couple would take pictures with all the guests.
If some seniors didn’t show up in the earlier ceremonies until the reception, the couple will give out tea to them at
this time.
While the couples are busy at greeting their guests, they must have already assigned
some of their best men and best ladies at the entrance. Their job is to request the guests to have the autographs or some
best wishes for the couple. Traditionally, the guests would do it on a piece of red cloth which was treated as marriage certificate
in the old Chinese world. Nowadays, some couples like my sister and brother-in-law would have a paper scroll with their wedding
picture printed in the middle of it.
At the same time, there is one relative either from the bride
or groom’s family to collect the gifts or money from the guests.
Before the dinner starts,
the couple will give a little speech to show their gratitude to their parents for all these years and all their friends and
families. Then, the couple will cut the cake and make a toast to their guests.
One of the neatest
things that my sister put together before the dinner started was a CD. It included a song that the couple thought it representing
their love to each other as background music. And there are some pictures since the couple were born, pictures when they were
dating ended with their wedding pictures.
There are totally 10-12 entrees in the dinner which
is a must. Some dishes must be included, such as roasted whole piggy, shark fin soup, abalone, fried rice, noodles, dessert
and oranges.
During the dinner, the bride would change her evening gowns a couple of times. A
little bit after that, the couple and their direct family members must go to every table to make a toast and show gratitude
to their guests.
Sometimes, the best men and best ladies would arrange some kind of games for
the couples for fun after the toast. And this is the traditions for hundreds of years. Games are always very ironical to reflect
what the couples would do with each other when they are alone at their first night of marriage. But some couples would prefer
not to have any games in between.
At the end of the dinner, the couple would give out the leftover
of the roasted piggy to their direct families. This is a must, especially to the bride’s family because it symbolizes
that the bride is still a virgin.
And all the direct family members of the couple and the couple
themselves must stand at the exit to greet every guest goodbye and thanking them for coming.
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After the Reception
However, this is not the end of the day yet.
The best men and best ladies would go to the house or room of the newly-wed. They will tease the couple and make fun with
them. Traditionally, this custom is to make a better atmosphere for the newly-wed to get to know each other, especially for
the arranged marriage.
Usually, around 1-2 in the next morning, everybody would leave the couples
when they finally can have their own moment of each other.
But there are more after the wedding
date. The ritual has not ended yet.
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After Wedding
3 days after the marriage, the bride must bring the
roasted piggy and visit her parents. This ritual originated in the past because women were not allowed to go back to their
parents, not even a short visit, after the marriage. This is the way to let her parents know that everything is fine with
her and not to worry.
Finally, the whole Chinese Marriage Ritual is completed.
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